It doesn't stop at the school gate
Bullying that happens online
It used to be that home was where it stopped. Now it follows a child into their bedroom, at eleven at night, on a phone that also happens to be how they talk to everyone they like. Here's what to do about it.
If it's happening to you
Four things, in this order
You have not done anything wrong, and you have not brought it on yourself by being online. That is where everyone else starts and it is the wrong place to start.
1
Don't reply
Whatever it says, answering almost always makes it go on for longer. It is not weak to say nothing — it is the thing that works.
2
Screenshot it first
Before you block or delete anything, take a picture of the screen. People delete what they have sent once they think they are in trouble, and the screenshot is the proof that it happened.
3
Block and report
Every app has both. Reporting feels pointless and often is not — accounts do get removed, and a report with screenshots behind it carries far more weight.
4
Tell someone
A parent, a teacher, an older brother or sister, or us. You will not be in trouble, and nobody is going to take your phone off you for telling.
If you are frightened of them
For parents and carers
What actually helps
Nobody gets this right first time, and the natural reaction is usually the wrong one.
The instinct
Take the phone off them
Understandable, and usually the one thing that stops a child telling you next time. From where they are sitting you have just punished them for being bullied, and cut them off from their friends while you were at it.
What helps more
Keep it, report it, tell the school
Save the evidence, report it on the app itself, and tell the school if the other child goes there. Schools can act on bullying between their pupils even when it happens at home at the weekend — a lot of parents do not realise that.
And take it seriously if it is persistent. Repeated, obsessive contact is not the same thing as name-calling, and at that point it can be a criminal offence rather than a school matter. If it has reached that, report it to the police on 101.
In partnership with Act Against Bullying
Cyberstalking — when it becomes something else
We work alongside Act Against Bullying, a national charity who have been at this a long time. Their guidance on cyberstalking is the most thorough we know of, and rather than rewrite it badly we would sooner send you straight to it.
It is worth reading if the contact has become relentless — the same person across several apps, fake accounts appearing after you block one, someone who seems to know where you have been. That pattern has a name, it is not your child being dramatic, and it is against the law.
Reporting it
The people who can get things taken down
We should be straight with you about this: we cannot get a post removed, an account closed or a message deleted. Nobody local can. The people below can, and they do it for nothing.
- Report Harmful Content — for when you have already reported something to the platform and nothing happened. They take it further on your behalf.
- ThinkUKnow — the National Crime Agency’s site, with separate advice by age, and where to report a worry about an adult contacting a child.
- Childline — free and confidential on 0800 1111, at any hour, about anything.
What we can do is the part those services cannot: sit down with you locally, come into school and talk to the children about it, and be someone to ring who knows the area.